My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
