he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
