Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
