This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just cut my nipple shaving
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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