having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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