watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I seem to have left my pride at pride
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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