You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
