im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
