My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
