that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
