We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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