I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Randomize
