My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
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I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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