we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
