"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
