why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
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And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
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Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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