I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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