I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
as a side note pls kill me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
