I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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