you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
