Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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