Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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