:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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