You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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