Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Randomize
