we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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