the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
