first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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