Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
