Fine. I'll sleep in my office
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
