Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
