i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What a dumb baby whore.
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He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
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He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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