Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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