we have pet lesbian snakes
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
