we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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