We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
