Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
