Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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