"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
