I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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