i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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