Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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