Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
