i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well I just put wine in my tea
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Bring me that man meat
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
