my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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