I've blown a few things in my day
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
50% drunk capacity currently
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
