I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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