I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We got so high we made milksteak
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
