In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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