just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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