I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize