We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
