Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
