that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
