and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
