Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
