My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
