Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
