I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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