so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
