Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
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Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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