It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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