Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
