put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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