listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
