Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
