WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
