are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize